T’was the Night Before the Election

T’was the night before the election, and all through Ohio
Margaritas were flowing like Cinco De Mayo.
Because Buckeye State residents were confident no matter who won,
Their days in the swing state spotlight were temporarily done.

Camp Romney retired its campaign of fluff,
Hopeful that the Etch-a-Sketch shaking had been enough.
To overcome the ire of chicks,
Who believed in their reproductive freedom, even without dicks.

Team Obama was bolstered by last minute polling,
That saw the incumbent ahead, and his opponent’s effort stalling.
Healthier job creation, increases in home sales, residential,
Images of a post-Hurricane Barry looking Presidential

Gave Obama a boost in the waning days
That claims about Jeep production in China just couldn't sway.
Jon Stewart and Colbert toasted a winning season of lampoon,
Almost (but not quite) wishing Romney a boon.

Because jokes and puns write with ease
When your campaign platform has more holes than Swiss cheese.
From "extreme conservative" to moderate and back
While crying foul over ads that attack

One's revolving positions, so hard to cement
Except for that business about the 47 percent.
"Borrow money from your parents" just doesn't seem to be
A responsible education policy.

The Tea Party zealots, clutching copies of Ayn Rand,
Hoped that they'd filibustered enough to render Obama an also-ran,
When out of the blue from the sound bite penalty box
Came Joe Biden with Paul Ryan's socks.

That was the only thing left of the GOP candidate, you see,
After Biden leveled him in debate, cheerful as could be.
"Medicare won't change" promised Ryan, as long as you're a Boomer,
But the rest of you will be screwed much sooner. 

Romney/Ryan failed to learn the lessons of Bush
That entitlements turned vouchers have the appeal of stale tush.
Romney ran away fast from his running mate's "serious" clunker
And all but banished him to the Cheney bunker. 

But hide and seek is no game to play
With middle class voters still clawing their way
Back from the failed policies of Bush Number 2
That left the economy of '08 a rancid stew.

"He's had four years and his policies haven't worked,"
Claimed Cantor and Gingrich and Boehner the Jerk.
Hoping upon hope if they said it was so
The voting public would forget the party of "no"

So off to the polls went John and Jane Public
In between looking for jobs and food for the stomach.
Because things are not fine but they're definitely improving,
With much more to do to get the economy moving.

Believing in change, if slower than desired
Is a certainly preferable to being stuck in the mire
Of endless wars and tax cuts for the rich,
Watching the American Dream stuck in a ditch.

So "yes we can" re-elect Obama and forge ahead
With hope for the country that's far from dead.
So to all you suffragists on the left and right,
"Happy Election Eve to all, and to all a goodnight!"

President Barack Obama, who frequently appears battered and weary at the tail end of a bruising first term, came to Virginia this past Saturday in a vigorous mood. The POTUS chose the swing state he won in 2008 to formally launch his drive for re-election, casting the 2012 race as "a make or break moment for the middle class."

Compare this rousing event, where Obama declared himself "still fired up," in front of a crowd of 8,000 atVCU's Siegel Center, many of whom braved a downpour to get into see the president and first lady, to Mitt Romney's own opening salvo a little over two weeks ago. Romney officially launched his general election campaign in the State of New Hampshire at an afternoon barbecue held at the Bittersweet Farm, operated by Republicans Doug and Stella Scamman. Zzzzz.....

It's true that Ron Paul and Newt Gingrinch had not formally decamped at that time, which may account for some of the event's timidity. But Ron Paul never believed he had a shot anyway and as for Gingrich, this might be the last political office for which he was momentarily considered a serious contender. He was going to roll around in the spotlight and savor every ray before he and third wife Callista retreated to their cynical Catholic piety.

But back to Romney. CBS News noted the symmetry of the campaign's pivot toward the general election in New Hampshire, with reporter Sarah B. Boxer writing, "Romney's current bid for the White House began on June 2, 2011 on Scamman Farm in Stafford, N.H., and the campaign considers his return Tuesday as a full circle moment for the candidate."

Have we REALLY been enduring Romney's second Presidential campaign for nearly a full year? It's like the network television procedural that goes on for seasons while an entertaining, witty gem struggles to find an audience. He is the CSI: Miami of the political playing field. And perhaps for the second time that week, Team Romney selected an ill-advised locale for a photo op. Remember that shuttered dry-wall factory in Lorain, Ohio in mid-April? The one held up as an Obama policy failure that actually closed under the Bush regime? Yeah. Oops.

And it appears that the Romney people, sensing an obvious dearth of triumphant environments in their man's history, were poised to occupy their rightful place once more as fish in a barrel. As CBS News went on to note, "On Monday evening, the University of New Hampshire released a new poll showing President Obama ahead of Romney 51 percent to 42 percent in New Hampshire. Mr. Obama's re-election team is quick to point out that Romney's campaign cleared out of the state immediately following the primary - often noting that his bustling headquarters in Manchester went dark the next day."

By now we're used to this from Romney, right? Wherever he needs to go is where he wants to be! The trees in New Hampshire are so green! The people are so real! And what's that noise? Why it's the shaking of the Etch-a-Sketch, the sound that may preclude residents of New Hampshire from remembering that Team Romney skipped town the moment the State stopped suiting his immediate purposes.

Stop me if you've heard this one before: the Romney folks are strenuously refuting any suggestion that their candidate is out of touch with local voters. Mitt's senior adviser in New Hampshire, Jim Merrill was quoted as saying, "I would characterize what the Obama campaign says as nonsense, complete nonsense."

Ah yes, the "I'm rubber you're glue" deflection, a time-honored tool in the GOP debate arsenal. Game on. Good luck Mittens!

Romney: GOP Indifference Toward the Middle Class Personified

Last week Republican primary co-front runner Mitt Romney demonstrated once again that neither he, nor his increasingly radical political party give a fig about the quality of life of America's middle class. Multiple media outlets reported Romney's compassionately conservative response to a struggling college student who queried him at a town hall meeting about the profoundly unaffordable costs of a college degree in the 21st Century.

My favorite headline came courtesy of New York Magazine writer Jonathan Chait: "Mitt: Pay for Your Own Damn College!" Chait distilled Romney's heartless rejoinder rather well. What Mittens actually said was:

“It would be popular for me to stand up and say I’m going to give you government money to pay for your college, but I’m not going to promise that. Don’t just go to one that has the highest price. Go to one that has a little lower price where you can get a good education. And hopefully you’ll find that. And don’t expect the government to forgive the debt that you take on.”

Charles Dickens first published his classic novel David Copperfield in 1850, featuring the villainous Uriah Heep, described in a Wikipedia entry as a character "notable for his cloying humility, obsequiousness, and insincerity, making frequent references to his own 'humbleness.' His name has become synonymous with being a yes man."

It's tempting to believe Dickens may have been clairvoyant in his creation of Heep, conjuring a future in which a quarter of a billionaire automaton can make like a living, breathing regular guy. I thought that the gold standard for radical right wing pandering had been provided by "Maverick" John McCain during the 2008 campaign, but McCain's about faces on issues like immigration in order to secure his party's trust simply don't do Romney's kowtowing justice. Is there anything this former moderate, somewhat socially liberal fraud won't say to get the nomination?

In this case however, we have reason to suspect that Mittens said exactly what he means. After all, why should he care? He and every friend he has possess the cash and the Ivy League legacies to ensure that their offspring will go to the higher learning institutions of their choosing. It's not they who will be saddled with debt after graduation. And if that "little lower price" degree from a state school that Romney so generously recommends for you should still run an average of $40,000 before factoring in room and board, well you've got two choices don't you? A lifetime of debt or minimum wage. It's your problem for not being born rich.

What's perhaps more telling is Chait's observation that Romney's comments at the town hall were met with "sustained applause from the crowd at a high-tech metals assembly factory." Now I am going to go out on a limb and hazard that attendees at a Romney gathering are going to lean mostly right, so ok, these folks were predisposed to drink in the bland Kool-Aid that is the Mitt brew. But factory workers cheering a candidate who unapologetically snubs his nose at the idea of affordable, universal education? How much longer can Republicans expect they are going to find willing accomplices within the hard working, low paid ranks of their base? Sooner or later the spell will be broken. It has to be.

Bold attacks on middle class infrastructure is nothing new to the GOP. You won't hear them complaining about the stagnant wages of workers while CEO pay has skyrocketed. They have no qualms touting party planks that champion the withholding of rights from everyone from members of the gay community to females who wish to make decisions regarding their own bodies. But the blatant, sound-bite ready pride with which these candidates can look a student dead in the eye and tell them to toughen up, while boasting about the two Cadillacs in the driveway, is just sickening.