My End or Yours?

Question: Can kids be kids anymore in a modern world?

Becky Boop: Not likely

I am a sponge for news of all kinds: local, national, international. Those of us who regularly watch the cable channels, surf the web, etc. have become accustomed to encountering the gruesome, the unimaginable, the depraved of all varieties. And yet, now and then, a story pops up on our radar that really and truly rattles. One such instance occurred for me this week when I read the following:

Boy's death ruled a suicide
Friends, relatives search for answers after 10-year-old hangs self
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-evanston-student-death-05-feb05,0,5168386.story

After the first obvious question floated through my mind, “Why on earth would a child do such a thing?,” my second thought was that someone, or a group of someones, failed this boy miserably. If you read the article above, it claims that the child made a threat to harm himself subsequent to a scolding from a teacher. But I think we can all agree that there had to be more to it than that, flighty though the 10 year-old mind can be at times. I recall many instances inside my own broken childhood home where I felt helpless, and often hopeless, as chaos surrounded me. I felt angry enough at such a young age to want to destroy, but I never turned that anger on myself. The article states “It was unclear whether the teacher relayed the boy's reported suicide threat to other school personnel.” How can that be?

This story stayed with me for a couple of days and as I pondered the tragedy of it all, I started to wonder what this young man’s home life was like. Were his parents still together? Had they lost their home, or one or both of their jobs recently? The most recent jobs report released today announced a loss of 585,000 positions across all sectors, in January 2009 alone. Many of us grown folks have been walking the streets with troubled, worried and hungry faces for months. How much of this is being passed down to our children? How many of them are forced to become mini, world weary people long before they should ever have to?

Now I admit, this story hits especially close to home because I have a 9 year-old niece, just a teeny bit younger than this unfortunate young man. She is a character, but also one of the most quiet and sensitive observers I have encountered. She keeps a journal to record her thoughts and takes the highs and lows of everyone in her life completely to her heart. This both makes me proud and worried for her. Can a kid connect to their environment in these times without suffering some damage? Now Jen and her hubby are the best and most watchful parents in the world, but how do we know exactly how blurry the line has become between our own lives and our children’s? My fear is that the new millennium has brought great progress, technology and globalization, but at what cost to our young people? Are we able to insulate them from anything anymore?

This week my friends, I have more questions than answers. I am not sure Jen and I are going to have a good argument at this one, because I am betting this hits her where it hurts as well. But I would like to hear the perspective of someone doing the tough job of raising children in this mean, crazy world. It is not for nothing that I question my own desire for motherhood, especially when I encounter heartbreakers like this.

Jen Of All Trades: Yes?

This is a really tough one. I almost don't know what to say because my thoughts are all over the road. When I heard this story I didn't even think it was possible for a 10 year-old brain to go there (and maybe it isn't because I am not completely convinced that is what happened in this story). But if it was suicide, there were most definitely signs. How could there not be? Someone that deeply tourtured inside, someone that would not only think about but ACT on taking their own life had to display severe unhappiness at some point....right?

I have never known anyone who felt that was their only option and for that I am grateful, but it leaves me uneducated. I just can't imagine a child displaying normal behavior one day and then hanging themself on a hook the next. Anyone who has knowledge on this topic one way or the other PLEASE feel free to share your thoughts.

The point of this discussion is how and what to tell your kids about sensitive issues. I have no idea. I firmly believe that no parent is an expert in parenting. Well all make mistakes as we go. I answer the questions as they come from KK and do my best to be honest but delicate. Am I doing it right? Only time will tell. In KK's case, she seems to process things quite maturely and by all accounts she makes sound decisions when it comes to the things that really matter. Unfortunately, she is aware that some people in our family have lost their jobs, that there are people who don't have a home or food to eat. But I use those harsh realities as a tool for reminding her how good she has it. She is oblivious to the fact that my husband and I have discussions (disagreements) about money, raising the kids, yadda yadda yadda. You can't let your kids feel the burden of your own worries.

What's important in the way I choose to handle things with my children is that there is most definitely a line of communication. KK may only be nine, but she has opinions, thoughts, feelings, etc. in the same way that I do. I HAVE to give her the opportunity to say things out loud without fear of judgement even if I don't agree with her.

The world scares me, that is for sure. It may sounds pagaent-y but I want it to be a place where my kids can feel safe and thrive. But the reality is right now its not. There are things that are just plain out of my hands. All I can do is guide my girls toward the path that is best for them. Even that changes day to day. You have to be there every single day. Not as a helicopter, but as a parachute to soften the blow if they crash land. They have to know you are there for them. I believe (hope) that if they truly know that, they will never feel alone.