I am in uncharted terrority here. I am not used to hiding things, as you may have noticed. My life is pretty much an open book for anyone interested in reading. From age 16 on, I got out of the habit of covering anything from my own parents. Let them judge if they wanted. I had to find my own way, make my own mistakes, and I wasn't ashamed if my personal growth entailed the occasional fall on my face. That has pretty much been my life philosophy ever since.
As I sit here in the middle of my living room floor surrounded by mine and Eddie's "marital aids," wine bottles, the feather penis boa from my bachelorette party in 2007, and anything that could conceivably be construed as drug paraphenalia, I find myself wondering when this happened. When did I become the girl who wanted to make such a good impression on her in-laws, that I am boxing up little pieces of me, even if they are the darker pieces, in order to shove them into storage, however temporarily? Of course as I review my collection assembled on the floor, I am thinking I might be closer to depraved Amy Winehouse territory than I previously allowed myself to believe. I realize there is a fine line between respectfully keeping certain things out of the in-laws line of vision, and self-censorship, and I feel for now I am on the right side of that line. But I have to guard against my own tendency to put forward my most "acceptable" social self in a given situation. Often, I edit myself into an oblivion, with the result that I feel trapped and angry. That's kind of what happened when Eddie and I got married in India in December of '07. This will be an especially difficult course to navigate when I am essentially, fending for myself mano y mano with Eddie's folks for the next 30 days. My husband will ride into town every Thursday night to lend me a hand, but for the most part, it's me, Mummy and Papa 24/7.
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This did make me laugh, I'm sorry. Your Amy Winehouse reference set my imagination in places I care not to go when it comes to my friends. *Snicker*
ReplyDeleteMy parents are much more liberal than they used to be, but they'd have a hard time reconciling their youngest and most innocent hatchling with some of the . . . stuff, I'll just call it, I am into as an adult. That is why those things are tucked neatly away, and as far as they are concerned, we sleep together because it is more space-efficient. The last they heard, I was vehemently opposed to a certain herb. That is fine. They don't need to know everything.
One of the first questions my mother-in-law asked me is if her son is good in bed. She wanted to make sure she raised him right and knows how to make a woman happy. Gotta love that dichotomy.
Think of it this way. Imagine your parents and/or inlaws having sex. Eww, scrub the mind clean. Yet, they do . . . have sex, that is (maybe). But we don't need evidence to confirm that, nor do we want it. It is the same for them about their perfect little imps (except in my MIL's case.)
So in a nutshell, no worries. There is no risk of you feeling you are compromising yourself. You are just taking pre-emptive measures to keep the peace.
Becky, as someone who can sympathize with the invasion of your mate's parents/families into your personal living space, let me just say this.
ReplyDeleteI think it is normal to want to make the best impression possible on your in-laws. These people are important to your husband, and by default are important to you. I think you will just have to bite the bullet on this one and conceal any phallic accessories or whatever else. You shouldn't have to, I agree, but sometimes you have to concede a battle in order to win the war - which is you and Eddie being a harmonious couple for years and years to come.
But I will say this. As you and some of your readers may know, I have experience kind of the "worst-case scenario" as it relates to this type of thing. I tried to be as accommodating as possible to my mate's parents only to have explode in my entire family's faces. And while I don't think (and certainly hope) that your situation bears no similarity to the one I enountered, I would advise you not to allow yourself to become Eddie parents' doormats.
Eddie loves you, not who you or he thinks his parents would find acceptable. In the case of my own beloved "Mama Smith", I think Jesika was way more nervous about things then she needed to be. When we first started living together, I told Jesika that my mom knows that you are a good woman and that I love you, and you won't have anything to worry about. And even though the best in-law relationships take some adjustment, my mom and Jesika became very close and shared a loving relationship, without Jesika needing to conform to any ideals she thinks my mom may have.
So I say, don't be afraid to be yourself and deny Eddie's parents the opportunity to get to know the good person we all know you to be. It will only serve to make you uncomfortable and just puts so much pressure on you and Eddie.
But with all that said, I still say - hide the penis boa.
Both Purple Artist and Kevin Smith have provided me with valuable insight. So I am not a fraud, just a user of common sense and courtesy. I can live with that.
ReplyDeleteKevin - the penis boa is now out of sight. I can rest easy.