The "Idol" experience .

I have been watching American Idol from the beginning. I'm starting to get a little tired of the BS, so I was on the fence as to watching this season or not. Coincidentally, the day season 8 premiered (yesterday), I found out that one of my good radio friends was let go because her station flipped and she was replaced by the syndicated Ryan Seacrest. What better reason to check out of Idol Land did I need!? But the Idol machine sucked me in. Plus, I talk about it on the air, so I need to really know what I am talking about. I know. I am a total sell out.

A few years back, I was given the opportunity to work as a Production Assitant on one leg of the American Idol audtion tour (the Carrie Underwood year, and YES she was at the city I was working on!) I remember signing something saying that if I gave away Idol's deep dark secrets that I would have to forfeit my first born child, walk on hot coals, listen to Paula Abdul prognosticate on the future of America, and other torturous acts. BUT that does not stop me from telling you what anyone who ever auditioned would find out if they waited in the LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG lines.

Day 1: Thousands of Idol hopefuls who have slept in tents overnight wake up only to wait, wait some more, then wait a little more. All of them eager and all of them annoying as hell. On the show they tell you "5 gazillion people are stading in line in St. Louis in the hopes of becoming the next....(dramatic pause) AMERICAN IDOL!". But really, those gazillion people include the annoying hopefull's momma, cousin, BFF, boyfriend, uncle.....not everyone is actually auditioning. They usher everyone into the arena, give them a seat number, settle them all down, then tell them to come back tomorrow ready to sing. Really. That's it. 8-10

hours of filing in just to be told that.

Day 2: Potential Idols return with one buddy. No more gazillions filling the Edward Jones Dome. The singing begins as the masses break up into 8 (I think) streams rapidly approaching a table with one producer and one production assistant (me). How I got that job is another topic altogether. They come to the table in groups of threes and get about 5 seconds to impress in one way or the other (we all know not everyone gets by on their vocal ability). They either get their wristband cut (by me) and sent home or they move on to day 3. Those that are especially atrocious are built up to be rock stars and move on too.

Day 3: I was not a part of this day as my services were no longer needed, but on this day hopefulls sing for one of the two executive producers. They are the ones who decided who goes on to the big three (now four) and get their shot at 15 minutes. On, you guessed it.....

Day 4 or 5: This is FINALLY the day the hopefulls sing for the big judges. Again, I was not there on that day, but man do I wish I were!

So, while it looks on TV to be one long day of singing, it is in fact 4-5 grueling days of hurry up and wait. They package all of that into one neat little hour and move on to the next city. Oh, the magic of television.